I dunno how many of you out there would say you can't wait to see my next work. But I guess I owe those people, and the people who just wonder what I'm up to, an explanation.
No lyrical submissions in almost two months. That's pretty much since I got to college. And to be honest, I've just been having trouble writing. The only things I've managed to write have been depressing rambling non-poetic self-dialogues that I really only wrote because I needed to try and lay my thoughts out on some things and because I was trying to get some more writing out of me. A warm-up, generally speaking. But it seems like I just can't go anywhere with it.

Fair warning, the rest of this is going to be something like the aforementioned rambling. Feel free to skip it, I just need to get it out of me.

My whole thinking process is screwed up right now. I'm even questioning everything I've been doing for the past two months. I'm barely making any friends, even though I'm trying hard, and as I get to understand people's body language and such (about time, and I'm probably not actually understanding it, or at least I hope I'm not) I'm finding that people I was trying to be friendly with and who I had nice conversations with seem to be deliberately looking away from me when I pass them on the way to class or wherever. I give them friendly smiles and sometimes say hi, but they lock eyes and then immediately look away.
I can't help but think it's because of my issues with people skills. I think I'm smiling, but I never got good at deliberately smiling (stupidstupidstupidstupid) so I don't know. Sometimes I'm just in a daze when I'm walking and I even miss the fact that a few of the people are in fact saying hi to me, and I don't know if that's affecting it. And these people skills, and clearly expressing what I'm feeling, especially through facial expressions rather than other motions, tie heavily into the performance aspect of my intended major. So obviously I need to figure it out, because it affects EVERYTHING. As far as the affect on my major...I'm almost seriously considering giving this major up and taking up just plain writing, or game design or some kind of computer programming. But my parents would be pissed after just spending $35,000 for one year at Belmont.
I'll probably sleep the hopeless feeling off (I even feel a little better just having put it out there) but these are all problems for me regardless how desperate and hopeless I feel about it at any given time, or at best it's a problem that I perceive a problem where one doesn't exist.
At least I'm not failing any classes so far.
But if anyone has suggestions or advice for me (besides "just get out more"; it's not turning out that simple) I'm all ears.